When Phoning Is Best
In the previous article on texting your ex, I explained why text messages offer many benefits as a form of communication with your ex. But sometimes -- particularly if your ex is the type who isn't really into texting -- a phone call is preferable.
Certainly, there are benefits to getting your ex on the phone. The sound of your voice can bring back memories, and it's certainly a more personal and intimate form of communication.
The problem, of course, is that phone calls require dialogue and they're also more likely to be seen as 'intrusive' by your ex. Just tread carefully and make sure you know exactly what you're going to say when you pick up the phone to call your ex (or be ready, as I'll explain below, for when your ex calls you!).
Prepare For Your Ex To Call You
There's a very good chance, if you've been following my 'no contact' advice, that your ex will actually be the one to initiate contact with you. He or she may call you at some point during the 'no contact' phase, and you should be prepared with what to say and how to act on the phone.
If your ex does indeed phone you, then you don't have to worry about finding an excuse or a reason to phone them. Your ex will probably do that work for you, and have some 'reason' for calling (even if it's "just to catch up".
As I've said before, you don't want to be unprepared if (or when!) your ex does pick up the phone to call you... he or she is probably calling to gauge your reaction and see how you're feeling about the breakup, and it's important not to say anything that will drive them further away from you. That's why I can't over-state the importance of being prepared by reading a thorough guide to winning your ex back (preferably one written by a reputable expert, such as Brad Browning).
Rules When Talking To Your Ex Via Phone
The 'best practices' that apply to talking with your ex in person and via text message are almost identical to when you're chatting with your ex on the phone. First and foremost, you should keep all initial conversations very brief -- one or two minutes is ideal.
You should also be the one to end these first phone calls, not your ex. Come up with some sort of excuse after a minute or two of chit-chat... something such as, "sorry I'm actually about to head out the door, maybe we can catch up more another time."
You may want to leave the door open for your ex to phone you again at a later date by saying, "if you want to chat more why don't you give me a shout this weekend? I'll be around." This allows you to be the one to end the call after a few minutes, but still indicates to your ex that you're interested in chatting more in the future.
It's also best to keep all phone calls with your ex casual, upbeat, and friendly. Make sure you sound happy, not depressed. Remember: you're fine with the breakup and you don't really need your ex anymore (even if that's not true, it's the message you should be sending).
Don't bring up any serious topics, and definitely don't mention the breakup or your desire to get back togheter with your ex. If he or she tries to bring up these topics, try to move the conversation on to something else as quickly as possible (without being rude).