Phase 1: Initial Steps
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Love Is A Two-Way Street
If you're going to win your ex back, you can't do it alone. Without your ex actively missing you and wanting you back, there's no way you'll be able to salvage the relationship. In essence, then, your primary goal will always be the same, no matter what stage of the process you're at: you need to make your ex miss you and actively want you back in their life.
So, knowing that your ex missing you and craving your touch is the real key to reversing your breakup, let's talk about how to make your ex miss you. This can sometimes be a difficult and drawn-out process, but if you play your cards right, it's usually achievable.
The 'No Contact' Phase is Critical
As I mentioned in the previous article, the main reason you need to completely shut off all lines of communication with your ex after the breakup is because you want to force him or her into living life without you. Even if your ex is the type who doesn't seem affected by emotions, he or she is almost certain to feel some pain and heartache if a loved one they've come accustomed to living with suddenly disappears. There's no way your ex can really prepare themselves for life without you before breaking up, so they likely have no clue how difficult it will be to go a month without speaking to you.
That's one reason your ex may have suggested the two of you should "be friends": they wanted you to still be a part of their life as they slowly let go of their emotional attachments and begin to move on. As long as your ex still thinks you're hanging around as a "backup plan" should the loneliness they experience after breaking up with you become overwhelming. By cutting off all communication with your ex, you're removing that safety net and forcing them into living life without you.
Time Heals: Your Ex Will Forget The Negatives
The other advantage to avoiding all contact with your ex is that over time, he or she will begin to forget some of the reasons they broke up with you in the first place. Your ex won't completely forget about the problems plaguing your relationship, but they'll definitely tend to forget some of the quirks or habits that irritated them.
By giving your ex time and space, you're allowing the negative memories and mental perceptions your ex has developed to slip through the cracks and be replaced by more positive thoughts and memories. Nostalgia is a powerful ally for you, because your ex will probably start to forget some of the negative aspects of your relationship but not the positive memories of happy times you spent together. If you break down and contact your ex during the 'no contact' phase, you're just taking the chance that these thoughts will re-surface in your ex's mind.
Your Ex Already Misses You!
Unless your breakup ended with cheating or some other very serious arguments that may be irreversible, then it's almost certain that your ex misses you to some extent. As I mentioned earlier, it's natural for humans to miss a loved one who is suddenly removed from their life. Even though your ex may have been the one who broke up with you, he or she will still have these feelings of longing and nostalgia (unless they're some sort of emotion-less robot).
By not talking to your ex for 30 days after the breakup, you're just maximizing your ex's natural tendancy to miss you. And, when these feelings are at their peak in your ex's mind, you can begin to re-initiate contact.... thus offering your ex a way to end the pain and accept you back into their life.
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